I've always known I was special. My Mum told me. The authorities told me. My school was a special school. Now I've been reminded how special I am. The met office have a special bit on their website, especially for me. When I look at the local forecast for wind before a bike ride, they have a white number. That's the wind speed and direction for non special people. They then have a special red number, that's the personalised wind forecast for me. So where it says gusting to 20mph, what it's actually saying is "David, the wind will be consistent 20 mph minimum into your face, whichever way you ride. Especially for you."
So here's the deal:
Captains of the Volvo round the world yacht race I am at the service of the highest bidder. Put me on your boat, sit me astride a bike on a turbo trainer, facing towards the back of the boat, and you are guaranteed there will always be a strong wind behind you.
You should however be aware that my contract will say I can get off and go home if I get scared or cold.
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